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inkpawprintsThere's really no such thing as a short chapter with this fic T_T
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NUKUME DORI 18
The bare room warped almost physically, its plastered walls echoing with wails that clawed the air. Kneeling in the storm's eye Subaru kept his level voice raised as he wove the chant to calm, something that was completely lost on the two suited men huddling in the barrier beside him. Subaru had warned it was better to wait outside but they'd insisted—
"A real estate agent?" Amber eyes lit with amusement, the glasses no longer bothered with. "They'll be nervous about property values so take care setting up the kekkai – if you damage the floor they'll probably deduct repair costs from your fee!"
He hadn't thought about that. "What do you suggest I do?"
Strong shoulders shrugged beneath the suit jacket. "Make a foundation for the daggers. Sand. Stones. Borrow flowerpots from the nearest garden. Anything of the earth element, use your imagination …"
Lately he had become keenly aware of the way Seishirou moved. Fascinated he watched Seishirou's hands, long and graceful, imagining how they touched—
A dischordant scream, an intensifying pressure – grimly Subaru made himself concentrate, setting his will to subdue. It was a few dicey minutes but eventually the disfigured spirit began to quiet, blurring and losing shape like salt in water. In its place appeared three faces: a desperate man, a sad woman, and a confused little girl. They hovered together as if locked in a last embrace and Subaru let the chant soften from a command to a farewell. The family of ghosts didn't struggle. Like a tiny supernova they filled the room, bright and brilliant, and when the light faded they were gone. "I..is it over?" one of the suited men asked shakily.
Inwardly Subaru added a silent prayer that the little girl's next life be full and long with a wish that this time the prayer would work. "Yes."
The men let out breaths like a pair of deflating balloons. "Great, great!" the younger enthused as the other bowed in thanks. "Finally we can proceed - before every person who tried to move in here complained of ghostly crying so I could never complete a sale, but now that suicide family is gone we can finally sell this house, right boss?"
"Quiet and show some respect!" the principle realtor snapped. To Subaru he said, "I apologise for my subordinate's insensitivity. I should have explained more earlier, but what happened is that the previous owners – Miura – bought this place with a mortgage that was too much for them to handle. They had to borrow money to make the repayments, the debts piled up and when it eventually got too much … the ten-year-old daughter was stabbed to death first and then the husband and wife hanged themselves. The bodies were found four days later in this very room by a debt collector." The man shook his head. "Even if I am a real estate agent, the fact that property in Tokyo has become so expensive that people die trying for an impossible dream … it's a real tragedy."
Suspended in the melancholy of the exorcism's aftermath Subaru didn't answer, instead moving to pack his things: ofuda, tasselled rope, the four daggers standing tilted in piles of damp sand. Thankfully the hint was taken and the two suited men stood from the floor, the younger going to open the curtains, the older to fetch his briefcase. The return of sunlight to what had been a haunted room was a welcome relief, and made the realtor's cheque glow. "Don't worry about the mess, we're going to get someone to clean the place from top to bottom. The payment as agreed, and worth every yen."
He held the cheque out in two hands with a bow. Subaru formally accepted it in the same manner. "Thank you."
The realtor gestured for his subordinate to open the front door. "Can we offer you a lift?" he asked as they walked. Subaru politely declined. Still obviously elated at the exorcism's result once they exited the subordinate locked up the house with a flourish before hurrying ahead to open the door of the dark blue Toyota for his boss. Once again the two of them bowed to Subaru. "You're a credit to your clan, Sumeragi-san," said the realtor solemnly. "What you have done today not just for my company but the spirits of that poor family, you have my gratitude. I'm glad to see that the Sumeragi name and talent continues in such a fine young man."
Subaru felt his face warm. "I thank you for your kind words. If you should require my services again in future please do not hesitate to call."
"Hopefully I won't have to, but if necessary, certainly. Until then, sayonara." The two men got into the car and drove off. They turned at the park and soon vanished behind the row of little houses.
It was a quiet street. Unsurprising for a Tuesday afternoon; most children would still be at school, their parents at work, and anyone else likely doing something better than hanging around a block of cookie cutter townhouses in Setagaya. Subaru himself probably could have found something if he was so inclined, which he wasn't. Not with screams still echoing in his head. I slipped, he thought, heading for the park hoping for calm. I could have put the client in danger and failed not just that family but my own. All because I was thinking of him …
Bare branches broke the sky above. Through them the playground's clock pointed to four thirty. At six thirty Subaru was to meet Seishirou in Roppongi for a dinner date – they were definitely dates now, open and acknowledged – their second in as many days since Hokuto had gone away. Despite what had happened at the job the thought of their meeting made Subaru's heart quicken, but whether it was in anticipation or nervousness he did not know. This new intimacy between them, allowing Seishirou to touch and kiss him like the most natural thing in the world, was as heady as sake and even more intoxicating, perhaps dangerously so. It was one thing for Seishirou to briefly kiss him in front of Hokuto. It was quite another to be kissed in private - and with Hokuto off on her ski trip Subaru was now realising just how loaded such a kiss could be. Thrilling as last night's dinner date was, Subaru had been weakly grateful that Hokuto had set down the rules she had giving him an excuse to break off Seishirou's lingering kiss goodnight—
"Which one makes you cry harder, getting fucked from behind with your arse in the air or having a hard cock shoved down your throat?"
Something hot squirmed in Subaru's gut, rank and festering making him walk faster. No matter how many times he told himself not to let such insults bother him, what that man had said had wormed under his skin eating at his thoughts to turn them to shame. Hokuto had of course done her best to lance it, but there had been something she had said herself …
"What about you and Sei-chan with all the touchy-feely stuff, has he turned you into a pet or something?"
Pet. Toy. A plaything to pass the time with and eventually throw away. Was that what he was, was that how people saw him? How Seishirou saw him? The end of the Bet was only weeks away and Subaru had no idea how he was going, but he had promised Seishirou never to ask about the Bet so didn't dare try to find out. His one reassurance was the memory of the Final Day, those last moments before their death when Seishirou had acknowledged that he felt something for Subaru. It was a memory Subaru found himself clinging to more and more nowadays for hope as the Bet's end rushed ever closer—
"Oh!"
A whirlwind of feathers beat about him, grey and brown and white. Instinctively Subaru lifted gloved hands to shield his face as he stepped back from the birds he had inadvertently walked through— "Sorry, I didn't mean—"
"It's all right."
Subaru blinked, he hadn't expected the birds to answer. Then he realised it wasn't just birds he had disturbed, but a small elderly man as well. Kindly eyes twinkled at him from behind a pair of horn-rimmed glasses. "It's all right," the old man repeated reassuringly, "you didn't mean to scare them and besides, they don't hold grudges."
As the old man talked the birds began to settle not just around his feet, but on his arms and shoulders and even the hands he rested on his walking stick as easily as it he were a tree. Subaru stared but before he could say anything a little brown and white sparrow flitted over to perch on his shoulder. "Seems she likes you," the old man commented.
The sparrow cocked its head at him. "… Hi there," said Subaru softly, and was rewarded with a chirp. "Have you been getting an afternoon snack?"
The old man chuckled. "Oh no, I don't feed them."
"You don't? Then how…?"
"Nothing special; these birds know me well. Come, I'll introduce you." The old man gestured to the bench behind him; it was currently being used by the birds but the old man gently shooed them to make room. Curious, Subaru sat down and with some effort the old man did so as well. "Now, let's see. The little one on your shoulder, she's a Eurasian tree sparrow. They're common around cities and have lots of personality – you should hear this one sing when the children bring breadcrumbs. My tiny green friend on my walking stick, he's a mejuro, a Japanese white eye, so-called because of the ring of white around the eye as you can see. He has a mate but she's very shy, even with me she hardly comes out. Over there is a segurosekirei or wagtail, he's the tiny one in black and white amongst the pigeons …"
It was a welcome distraction. Genuinely interested Subaru listened, enchanted by the old man's obvious love for the subject and his gentle manner which not only encouraged questions but welcomed them. Under the old man's guidance the park was shown to be a world in its own with patches of territory, food sources and more, a world that was one of dozens scattered around Tokyo where as Subaru learned, one could find a surprising number of rare birds. The whole conversation made Subaru remember his old childhood dream, the zookeeper one he had long let go of, and after a while he found himself mentioning this to the old man. "But that's what I did," the old man replied. "From the age of eighteen all the way to retirement I was in charge of all the birds at Ueno Zoo. It's not difficult work, but you do need a kindness and affinity for animals which you certainly have. If being a zookeeper is what you really want to do I can give you some pointers."
"Thank you, but it won't be necessary." Any regret was long lost but still Subaru was wistful. "I'm already working and it's not something I can give up."
"Ah. Family?" Subaru nodded as the little sparrow moved to nest in his gloved hands. The old man was sympathetic. "I commend anyone who does their family proud, but it is a shame so many dreams have to be given up to do so. Still, it doesn't mean you can never do something with animals if that's what you like. Have you thought about volunteering at a shelter? They're always in need of help, though given what happens to most shelter animals it's not for the soft-hearted which you look to be."
A grey cat, innards spilling out, weakly nuzzling into his hand as a syringe gave a merciful end - a dead woman still warm as he closed her eyes— "I'm not so sure about that," said Subaru quietly. The bird in his hands was preening its feathers; even through the gloves he could feel its fluttering heartbeat.
"Oh, I think you are. Hearts of stone don't apologise to birds, nor do they sit around with retirees they've just met to chat for hours."
"I-I'm sorry, if I'm disturbing you I can—"
"Don't be silly! You're more than welcome and it's not often I get such willing company especially one so young. What's your name?"
"Subaru." He bowed.
The old man inclined his head. "And I am Mastumoto. We've met properly now, and I am happy for your company."
Subaru smiled. "Me too." The sparrow in his hands pecked insistently at his fingers and chagrined, Subaru let it fly. "Do you come here everyday?"
"Unless it's raining, yes. I was so happy to find this park when I moved to the area last year. Since then I've gotten to know all the birds and they've come to expect me every day about one o'clock. What about you, do you live around here?"
"No, I'm just here for work. It's finished now," added Subaru hastily, before any questions could be asked, "so I don't have to worry about it anymore." Or think about it.
"Are you sure? You were looking rather worried when you walked by earlier."
"I was … just lost in my thoughts, that's all."
"Must be some heavy thoughts. You're what, eighteen, nineteen? When I was your age the heaviest thoughts I had were about how to ask the girl I liked out to dinner." Matsumoto chuckled, remembering. "Most terrifying thing I ever did since I wasn't good with people, and romance, well, there aren't many things scarier than that. Lucky for me Kanae accepted. Do you have a girl you like, is that what's weighing you down?"
It was impossible not to tense. "… No." A kiss at the train station, hands touching at a restaurant table, you're ashamed of me— "I mean, yes I have someone but—" The words stopped.
"You don't know what she thinks of you?" asked Matsumoto gently.
He looked away. "Something like that." It was hateful to be evasive like this but after Saturday evening better to be safe than sorry. Not that he should assume the welcoming Matsumoto to be anything like that arrogant young man … "We – haven't been together long."
Matsumoto sat quietly for a moment. The flock of birds around them had diminished, many having flown to roost as the sun sank. "When my wife and I first started dating," he said finally, "everyone wondered how long it would last. Kanae was warm, beautiful, and could make anyone feel special just by being with them, whereas I was an awkward young man more comfortable with animals than people. And you know what? Everyone was right to question. I was insecure every time she spoke to another man, she would get upset that I smiled more easily with birds than her, and neither of us were good talkers. We loved each other, yes, but we didn't know each other, not the way you need to if you want to spend a life together. The only way you do that is with time, with patience and communication. Especially communication. Not just using words, though you do need those and we had to learn to use them properly, but without, how to read each other, to know when to push and leave alone … we worked at it. Worked and worked. Seven years and a baby girl later we were still working - I'd tease Kanae that she broke hearts every time she told a man she was married, while Kanae would tell her friends that I was a magician who spoke to birds. By then we were working for the joy of it." A small, wistful chuckle. "Most fun I ever had."
It was the kind of advice Hokuto could have doled out, only far more real. "You must love your wife very much," said Subaru softly.
"Yes. Always have and always will. And for that love I'll keep my promise to make our daughter happy." Briefly Matsumoto's face seemed shadowed, but there was no sign of it when he turned to Subaru, only an encouraging smile. "Don't worry if things feel unsure right now, if you've only just begun there's so much you have to learn about each other. Take your time, enjoy it as the greatest adventure in your life. What's important is that you be open with your feelings and talk to each other especially when there are problems – don't let communication become a problem itself. All right?"
The warmth in Subaru's cheeks had spread to his heart, and he shyly smiled. Then a cold wind blew past. Startled Subaru looked around to realise just how dark it had gotten. "I-I'm sorry, you've been helping cheer me up for so long, I didn't notice the time!"
"Oh pish posh, it's been a pleasure!"
The playground clock was coming up to six o'clock. To get to Roppongi from here would take at least forty minutes presuming he was lucky with the trains, and he would still have to find the restaurant … "I have to go," said Subaru, quickly getting to his feet. "Please forgive my rudeness for rushing away, but I really enjoyed our conversation and apologise for making your family worry about you—"
"There's nothing to apologise for." With some effort Matsumoto stood - instinctively Subaru reached out and helped. "Nobody's worried about me."
"You live by yourself?" asked Subaru, steadying Matsumoto until he had a firm grip on his walking stick.
"My wife died thirty years ago, so now I'm living with my daughter. She has a husband and two small children, all of them should be home eating by now."
There was something about the way he said that which made Subaru's chest twist. "I-I'm sorry, but if you're not back for dinner even though it's gotten dark, shouldn't your daughter …?"
Matsumoto was still smiling. "Unfortunately I'm not considered family any more. I'm merely a burden."
Subaru stared at him. Kept staring as having said farewells, Matsumoto shuffled off through the dark towards the townhouses with their deceptively warm windows. Once again, there were screams echoing in Subaru's head.
Oh…
* * *
It was after seven when he reached the restaurant. Not that it seemed to matter.
"Subaru-kun." The smile Seishirou bestowed as Subaru ran up was effortless. "So good to see you."
Subaru bent over, hands on knees and chest heaving for air. "I-I'm sorry, I got caught up after the job and the next train didn't come until quarter past six—"
Long fingers reached out, stopping speech and tilting back his face. The breath Subaru had been trying to catch rushed from his lungs. "Stop looking so worried," said Seishirou as he drew back, "you're here now, and that's all that matters. Shall we get dinner?"
It had been a brief kiss, one that left him light-headed from lack of air, but it still made Subaru tense because they were on a busy street. As he caught his breath he glanced around, cheeks red, and flushed further when he saw some passerbys give him sideways looks. Not that Seishirou paid them any attention as he walked not into the elegant restaurant but down the street— "Huh? I thought you booked a table…?"
"We lost the booking twenty minutes ago." Seishirou kept walking, not bothering to turn. "Let's see what else is around, shall we?"
Subaru watched him go. There was an apology on his tongue, but it was bogged down in the knowledge that whatever he said Seishirou would dismiss it saying everything was all right … he hurried to catch up, soon falling into step at Seishirou's side. "Any suggestions as to what to eat?" Seishirou asked.
"Um …" Subaru looked around; being Roppongi there was no dearth of choices, or people for that matter, all mixing together in a hubbub of chatter and light. With a pang he wondered how Matsumoto's dinner was going. "I'm not very hungry so I'm okay with anything, really."
He sensed Seishirou glance at him. "My choice again, hm? In that case … this way."
Without pausing Seishirou turned a corner, his brisk pace easily pushing through the evening crowds. Subaru followed him mechanically, barely aware of his surroundings as his thoughts fell back into the circles they had been doing on the train: the splash of blood on the yellow bananas, the wall of shock-blanked faces, him kneeling in the road holding the dying man. The memory of that afternoon had long been overwhelmed by personal horrors but meeting Matsumoto again like this—
A hand grabbed the back of his collar and yanked. Subaru blinked as he stumbled backwards the side of a bus blurring past his face so close it pulled his hair in its wake. "Careful!" said Seishirou sharply. "Didn't you see the light was red?"
Subaru swallowed as he realised what had happened. What was going to happen. "I-I'm sorry," he stammered.
Seishirou seemed to study him. "Stay close to me," he said at last as the lights changed. "Come on, we're nearly there."
He pushed Subaru to cross the road, one hand hovering at the small of Subaru's back to ward off any more potential accidents. On the other side was a row of restaurants and Seishirou guided Subaru to the middle of these, a large well-lit bistro with a blonde woman standing just inside. She greeted them in accented Japanese and after a short discussion with Seishirou, led them to the far wall and the line of booths there beneath a series of black and white photos of New York. Removing coats and scarves Subaru and Seishirou slid in on opposite sides of the table. "Can I get you anything to drink?" the waitress asked.
"A glass of red wine matched to your steak which I'll have medium rare, please. He'll have an iced tea with your fish of the day." The waitress bowed and left. Subaru shifted in his seat oddly grateful that Seishirou had done all the ordering. Again, Seishirou seemed to study him. "You know, I had a call from Hokuto-chan yesterday," he said casually.
Subaru looked up from his twisting hands. "You spoke to her?"
"To be accurate, she called me while we were out last night and I found her phone message when I got home. She sounded well, she said she was just calling to say hi and check on us with the usual reminder for me to look after you."
"…Oh." Subaru tried to remember – he had called Hokuto last night, right? Or had she had to call him? Either way they had spoken briefly; Hokkaido was lovely, skiing was fun, don't work too hard and behave yourself with Sei-chan. He should to call her tonight, and his grandmother for that matter to tell her how the job had gone. Though he had met Matsumoto afterwards, so he shouldn't have to tell Lady Sumeragi about that—
A theatrical sigh came across the table. "You need to stop doing this, you know."
"Eh?"
"Withdrawing. It's obvious there's something on your mind, however if you're not going to talk about it then at least talk about something else instead of sitting there leaving me with my own company. Or am I here just to pay for your dinner?"
Subaru's face burned. "It's not, I didn't mean – I mean I just—" He forced himself to stop – don't let communication become a problem – taking several breaths. "I'm sorry."
Drinks appeared on their table along with a hand that soon withdrew. Seishirou took his glass and sipped his wine looking at Subaru expectantly. Subaru unconsciously wet his lips. "I … met a man today," he began slowly.
"At the Setagaya job?" asked Seishirou.
"Afterwards. The job was fine. Thank you, by the way, for the suggestion with the floor." Seishirou gave a brief smile. "I went to the nearby park afterwards, which was where I met him. He's an old man, he used to be a zookeeper taking care of the birds at Ueno. His wife died thirty years ago leaving him with a daughter who's now married with children of her own. She … doesn't treat him well, views her father as a burden. It's not that she's a bad person, but money is tight and she takes her stress out on him. He bears it all with a smile. He promised his wife that he would make their daughter happy. He—" Gloved hands clenched around his glass of iced tea. "He'll be killed in two days."
Amber eyes glinted across the table. "You know this for sure?"
"It happened last time."
"How?"
"A car accident. I was going to meet him in the park for lunch and arrived only to hold him in my arms as he died. I told his daughter at home, she collapsed screaming …"
He trailed off uneasily. Seishirou was watching him with an almost meditative expression that barely changed as the waitress returned expertly balancing two plates which she set before them before leaving. "So what are you going to do?" asked Seishirou, slicing into his steak.
And there it was, the question Subaru had been wrestling with all evening. "I don't know," he confessed, beginning on his own meal. "Of course I don't want him to die, but then I remember all those other people like the girls on the phone, the woman trying to summon an inugami for her murdered daughter, I tried to fix things for them too and it just turned out the same or worse. Yet knowing that Matsumoto is going to be killed I can't just sit back and let it happen, not when I could stop it, and I can, I know the place and time—"
"You'll swoop in to save him."
"One moment's delay, a split second intervention, that's all it'll take just like earlier when you pulled me back from the road—"
"And it'll make you feel good, hm?" Seishirou chuckled mockingly over his plate. "Sumeragi Subaru, saving the living as well as the dead. Shall I get you a cape for the occasion?"
Subaru stared. "You don't think I should save him."
"No I don't."
"But it's the right thing to do! Preventing a violent death—" Abruptly he remembered who he was talking to. Turned back to his plate stabbing his food. "I don't expect you to understand. You're the Sakurazukamori, of course you don't care."
Seishirou smirked. "You're so cute when you use my title as an insult. Though I suppose 'veterinarian' doesn't roll off the tongue quite so well."
Subaru couldn't help giving a derisive snort as he cut his fish. "You're not really a vet."
"Is that what you think? The university degrees on my clinic wall are real, you know, as are my customers and paid staff."
"Only because you needed a cover for the—" Just in time Subaru remembered his promise. "—for meeting me."
"If a cover was all I needed I could have set up something far less complicated and expensive," replied Seishirou, obviously amused. "Don't flatter yourself Subaru-kun; for your information I became a vet not because I needed anything but because I wanted to, and it was something I had decided even before I met you under the Sakura."
Subaru frowned. "Why?"
Seishirou finished his mouthful with a sip of wine. "Why did you move to Tokyo?" he asked.
The counter made Subaru frown further, but he went along with it. He had to think a bit, though, it seemed a lifetime since he had started calling Tokyo home. Was a lifetime, in fact. "It was Hokuto-chan's idea," he said, dimly remembering. "Ever since middle school she was determined to go to high school in Tokyo. We had an offer from CLAMP Campus already which Obaa-chan could hardly say no to, though the fact that we kept getting job requests from Tokyo probably helped her decision despite her misgivings over how young we were. Hokuto-chan was ecstatic of course."
"In other words the decision was made for you and you did as you were told. What about now, why do you stay in Tokyo?"
A sea of glittering lights beneath his and Seishirou's feet, the whole Tower to themselves. Hokuto's laughter, her face lit up as she showed off a new outfit or related her latest urban adventure. A city that never slept, with aspiring actresses, childhood friends, grieving mothers, troubled students, and old men who talked to birds. A city protected by romantics and disbelievers, parents and sex workers, the innocent and the heartbroken. A city that had given Subaru both his worst memories and his best. What was it Seishirou had said all those years ago? I love this Tokyo … where else do so many people dance towards their own destruction— "I had a life here," said Subaru slowly. "I have a life here. My own life."
"And there's your answer. We're unique, you and I, set apart from normal people by power and heritage, but that matters less here in Tokyo where twelve million people can live regardless of who or what they are. More importantly, each of those twelve million people has the chance forge their own path without reference to anyone else. Onmyouji we may be it's not our place to interfere with that."
"Don't you interfere with people's lives when you kill them?" Subaru challenged.
Seishirou gave an impatient sigh. "When I kill someone it's because of something. Because I've been asked to. Because they blocked me when they crossed my path. Because their deaths are at the end of the day, necessary. I don't go out of my way to find victims; if someone dies at my hand, it's destiny as a consequence of their own actions."
Destiny. The word made Subaru's throat constrict. "And what if because he's met me it is now Matsumoto's destiny to live?"
"But it isn't. You've said already, that last time we went through this life this man died. The only reason why you're thinking of saving him now is because you – and only you – know what is to come. Without that knowledge, chances are everything will turn out as they did before."
"I can't accept that—"
A movement to his side interrupted. "How's everything?" asked the blonde waitress, leaning down. "Can I get you anything else?"
Seishirou beamed – since Hokuto wasn't around he didn't bother to wear his glasses out, yet even without them his genial persona was flawless. "We're fine and the steak is fantastic, thank you. Give my compliments to the chef. Where are you from, by the way?"
"I'm from Australia. Land of sun and kangaroos and murderous wildlife." The waitress winked at him.
"So far away! Your Japanese is excellent – what brings you to Tokyo?"
"Well, I started learning Japanese in high school and since then I've always dreamed of living in Tokyo so last year I got myself a work visa to come on over. Love this city, the buzz, the way you can walk past skyscrapers and turn a corner to find a tiny shrine, the people – I mean, yeah, you get jerks like drunk salarymen who want to kiss my hair but then you meet the artists, the chatty ramen stall holders, the fashion and music tribes …" She chuckled. "Adventure of a lifetime here."
"Tokyo is certainly a place to spread your wings." Seishirou's warm mask never changed; across the table, Subaru was willing the waitress gone. "I hope it's been treating you well tonight?"
"Oh, I stay on my toes. Had a big party of university students in earlier making me run around, and just then I got snapped at by a snooty lady because I was late serving her husband's drink. I could have told her that her husband was here last week with another woman but hey, none of my business, right?" The waitress gave a wry laugh that Subaru studiously ignored. "Anyway, should get back to it - give me a wave if you need anything!"
With that she hurried another table. Seishirou coolly watched her go for a moment before returning his gaze to Subaru. "Twelve million people," he said softly. "Twelve million people each living their own lives, making their own choices, and bearing their own consequences. Your old man is but one of them, as are you. You'd do well to think about which is more important."
Subaru felt his jaw set. Deliberately resumed his meal, forcing himself to eat despite his lack of appetite because he didn't trust himself to reply. Perhaps satisfied that his point was made Seishirou let the conversation go, finishing his meal and enjoying the last of his wine while waiting for Subaru. Eventually Subaru gave up – the cream sauce was too rich for his taste – and pushed his plate away. "Shall we go?" asked Seishirou.
"Just a minute." Without waiting for an answer Subaru stood and headed for the bathroom, a sterile affair of harsh white that overwhelmed the artistic black and white photographs on the walls. The stalls were empty, thankfully, and hopefully would stay that way for a while. Alone for this moment Subaru disabled the spell on his gloves with a touch, removed them and began to wash his hands. They were trembling.
The water was cold. Squeezing eyes closed Subaru leaned down to splash his face, forcing himself to rein in his frustration, his anger, his underlying panic at time running out. Eventually he felt his breathing deepen and calm, some tension leaving his shoulders and he straightened to look at himself in the mirror. The face that looked back was pale but composed, and taking a paper towel Subaru dried his face and hands making himself presentable before pulling on his gloves again. There was the usual tingle as Lady Sumeragi's spell reasserted itself, and then he was ready. Subaru opened the door and went back to his table passing the oblivious waitress on the way. Seishirou glanced up with one eyebrow raised. "Ready?"
"Shouldn't we get the bill?"
"I've already paid it." Seishirou stood carrying both his coat and Subaru's jacket along with their scarves. "After you."
He held out a hand for Subaru to walk in front of him. Habit kicked in for Subaru to obey, but not before a split second of hesitation, even resentment, at Seishirou's consideration. They made their way through the bistro to exit onto the cold street – for a moment Subaru thought Seishirou was going to go so far as to help him into his jacket, but thankfully the man simply handed his things to him. "Any suggestions of where to go from here?" asked Seishirou as he pulled on his coat.
Stiffly Subaru put on his scarf and jacket, trying to readjust to such simple conversation after the heated discussion just minutes before. "I think I'm going to go home, actually."
To this Seishirou simply nodded, and together they began to walk side by side. Despite the lateness of the dinner hour there was still many people out looking for somewhere to eat, and every so often the two of them would have to separate to allow some hurrying person rush between them. "What are your plans for tomorrow?" asked Seishirou after a while.
"Um …" They crossed the road with the crowd. "I'm to visit the Shinjuku Ward office in the morning for a purification but other than that, nothing so I guess I'll catch up on some chores."
"So you'll have no problem meeting me for our usual dinner at six thirty?"
"No…"
"Come meet me at the clinic then, I have a late appointment for someone who can only bring her cat in after five so it'll be at least six before I finish. It would be helpful if on your way you could swing by the drycleaners to fetch something for me, though."
"What is it?"
"A suit. No, it's not being cleaned for bloodstains; as Hokuto-chan would tell you quality clothes need proper care."
"I wasn't going to say anything," protested Subaru, stung.
"But the thought crossed your mind," Seishirou replied, not accusing just stating a simple – and accurate – observation. "Anyway, it's the drycleaners on the corner near the clinic, I have an account there so all you have to do is pick it up."
"… Fine." They began to descend the stairs that led into the busy Roppongi station, and Subaru hurried to the ticket machines before Seishirou could buy that too or he himself said something he would regret. Coins shot into the machine with sharp force; he was angry, Subaru realised, angry at Seishirou for what he had said tonight but also angry at himself for expecting Seishirou to be otherwise—
A shadow fell over the machine's buttons as Seishirou stepped up behind him. Subaru froze as hands were placed on his waist, the sound of passing people suddenly very loud. "Can I take you home?" Seishirou whispered into his ear.
He was close enough to warm, for Subaru to feel breathing against his back. Seishirou's hands rested over the top of his jeans fingers gently pressing through cloth subtler than a kiss but far more electrifying, the implications clear and frightening too in how they engulfed Subaru's anger and apprehension turning them to … I can't, Subaru told himself, heart racing, I can't lose my head, can't lose myself or forget what's at stake. I can't let him sweep me away.
But oh how I want him to …
He didn't move or speak. Couldn't. Eventually Seishirou let go and stepped back. "No again, hm?" he said easily. "Ah well. Get home safely."
"W-wait!" With a beep the machine spat out his ticket – snatching it up Subaru turned to see Seishirou heading towards the stairs and ran after him. "Where are you going?"
"I have some things to look into." Seishirou smiled over his shoulder as he said this but didn't stop walking. "It's for my actual job so I wouldn't ask. I'll see you tomorrow night at six thirty, Subaru-kun."
He reached the stairs and went up, a black shadow returning to the night air above. Subaru watched him disappear feeling a mixture of uneasy relief, disappointment, and something else. Hollowness. Until that moment, he hadn't realised how accustomed he was to being greeted and farewelled by Seishirou with a kiss.
Speakers overhead announced the arrival of his train. Subaru could miss it, go after Seishirou, yet even as he thought that something inside him faltered. Swallowing hard Subaru fled through the ticket gate down to the platform - he barely made the train in time but if anyone thought anything of the pale young man who threw himself through the doors to sit down eyes squeezed painfully shut, they didn't show it. Didn't even look at him, in fact.
Just another nameless face in Tokyo.
[cont'd]
-------
NUKUME DORI 18
The bare room warped almost physically, its plastered walls echoing with wails that clawed the air. Kneeling in the storm's eye Subaru kept his level voice raised as he wove the chant to calm, something that was completely lost on the two suited men huddling in the barrier beside him. Subaru had warned it was better to wait outside but they'd insisted—
"A real estate agent?" Amber eyes lit with amusement, the glasses no longer bothered with. "They'll be nervous about property values so take care setting up the kekkai – if you damage the floor they'll probably deduct repair costs from your fee!"
He hadn't thought about that. "What do you suggest I do?"
Strong shoulders shrugged beneath the suit jacket. "Make a foundation for the daggers. Sand. Stones. Borrow flowerpots from the nearest garden. Anything of the earth element, use your imagination …"
Lately he had become keenly aware of the way Seishirou moved. Fascinated he watched Seishirou's hands, long and graceful, imagining how they touched—
A dischordant scream, an intensifying pressure – grimly Subaru made himself concentrate, setting his will to subdue. It was a few dicey minutes but eventually the disfigured spirit began to quiet, blurring and losing shape like salt in water. In its place appeared three faces: a desperate man, a sad woman, and a confused little girl. They hovered together as if locked in a last embrace and Subaru let the chant soften from a command to a farewell. The family of ghosts didn't struggle. Like a tiny supernova they filled the room, bright and brilliant, and when the light faded they were gone. "I..is it over?" one of the suited men asked shakily.
Inwardly Subaru added a silent prayer that the little girl's next life be full and long with a wish that this time the prayer would work. "Yes."
The men let out breaths like a pair of deflating balloons. "Great, great!" the younger enthused as the other bowed in thanks. "Finally we can proceed - before every person who tried to move in here complained of ghostly crying so I could never complete a sale, but now that suicide family is gone we can finally sell this house, right boss?"
"Quiet and show some respect!" the principle realtor snapped. To Subaru he said, "I apologise for my subordinate's insensitivity. I should have explained more earlier, but what happened is that the previous owners – Miura – bought this place with a mortgage that was too much for them to handle. They had to borrow money to make the repayments, the debts piled up and when it eventually got too much … the ten-year-old daughter was stabbed to death first and then the husband and wife hanged themselves. The bodies were found four days later in this very room by a debt collector." The man shook his head. "Even if I am a real estate agent, the fact that property in Tokyo has become so expensive that people die trying for an impossible dream … it's a real tragedy."
Suspended in the melancholy of the exorcism's aftermath Subaru didn't answer, instead moving to pack his things: ofuda, tasselled rope, the four daggers standing tilted in piles of damp sand. Thankfully the hint was taken and the two suited men stood from the floor, the younger going to open the curtains, the older to fetch his briefcase. The return of sunlight to what had been a haunted room was a welcome relief, and made the realtor's cheque glow. "Don't worry about the mess, we're going to get someone to clean the place from top to bottom. The payment as agreed, and worth every yen."
He held the cheque out in two hands with a bow. Subaru formally accepted it in the same manner. "Thank you."
The realtor gestured for his subordinate to open the front door. "Can we offer you a lift?" he asked as they walked. Subaru politely declined. Still obviously elated at the exorcism's result once they exited the subordinate locked up the house with a flourish before hurrying ahead to open the door of the dark blue Toyota for his boss. Once again the two of them bowed to Subaru. "You're a credit to your clan, Sumeragi-san," said the realtor solemnly. "What you have done today not just for my company but the spirits of that poor family, you have my gratitude. I'm glad to see that the Sumeragi name and talent continues in such a fine young man."
Subaru felt his face warm. "I thank you for your kind words. If you should require my services again in future please do not hesitate to call."
"Hopefully I won't have to, but if necessary, certainly. Until then, sayonara." The two men got into the car and drove off. They turned at the park and soon vanished behind the row of little houses.
It was a quiet street. Unsurprising for a Tuesday afternoon; most children would still be at school, their parents at work, and anyone else likely doing something better than hanging around a block of cookie cutter townhouses in Setagaya. Subaru himself probably could have found something if he was so inclined, which he wasn't. Not with screams still echoing in his head. I slipped, he thought, heading for the park hoping for calm. I could have put the client in danger and failed not just that family but my own. All because I was thinking of him …
Bare branches broke the sky above. Through them the playground's clock pointed to four thirty. At six thirty Subaru was to meet Seishirou in Roppongi for a dinner date – they were definitely dates now, open and acknowledged – their second in as many days since Hokuto had gone away. Despite what had happened at the job the thought of their meeting made Subaru's heart quicken, but whether it was in anticipation or nervousness he did not know. This new intimacy between them, allowing Seishirou to touch and kiss him like the most natural thing in the world, was as heady as sake and even more intoxicating, perhaps dangerously so. It was one thing for Seishirou to briefly kiss him in front of Hokuto. It was quite another to be kissed in private - and with Hokuto off on her ski trip Subaru was now realising just how loaded such a kiss could be. Thrilling as last night's dinner date was, Subaru had been weakly grateful that Hokuto had set down the rules she had giving him an excuse to break off Seishirou's lingering kiss goodnight—
"Which one makes you cry harder, getting fucked from behind with your arse in the air or having a hard cock shoved down your throat?"
Something hot squirmed in Subaru's gut, rank and festering making him walk faster. No matter how many times he told himself not to let such insults bother him, what that man had said had wormed under his skin eating at his thoughts to turn them to shame. Hokuto had of course done her best to lance it, but there had been something she had said herself …
"What about you and Sei-chan with all the touchy-feely stuff, has he turned you into a pet or something?"
Pet. Toy. A plaything to pass the time with and eventually throw away. Was that what he was, was that how people saw him? How Seishirou saw him? The end of the Bet was only weeks away and Subaru had no idea how he was going, but he had promised Seishirou never to ask about the Bet so didn't dare try to find out. His one reassurance was the memory of the Final Day, those last moments before their death when Seishirou had acknowledged that he felt something for Subaru. It was a memory Subaru found himself clinging to more and more nowadays for hope as the Bet's end rushed ever closer—
"Oh!"
A whirlwind of feathers beat about him, grey and brown and white. Instinctively Subaru lifted gloved hands to shield his face as he stepped back from the birds he had inadvertently walked through— "Sorry, I didn't mean—"
"It's all right."
Subaru blinked, he hadn't expected the birds to answer. Then he realised it wasn't just birds he had disturbed, but a small elderly man as well. Kindly eyes twinkled at him from behind a pair of horn-rimmed glasses. "It's all right," the old man repeated reassuringly, "you didn't mean to scare them and besides, they don't hold grudges."
As the old man talked the birds began to settle not just around his feet, but on his arms and shoulders and even the hands he rested on his walking stick as easily as it he were a tree. Subaru stared but before he could say anything a little brown and white sparrow flitted over to perch on his shoulder. "Seems she likes you," the old man commented.
The sparrow cocked its head at him. "… Hi there," said Subaru softly, and was rewarded with a chirp. "Have you been getting an afternoon snack?"
The old man chuckled. "Oh no, I don't feed them."
"You don't? Then how…?"
"Nothing special; these birds know me well. Come, I'll introduce you." The old man gestured to the bench behind him; it was currently being used by the birds but the old man gently shooed them to make room. Curious, Subaru sat down and with some effort the old man did so as well. "Now, let's see. The little one on your shoulder, she's a Eurasian tree sparrow. They're common around cities and have lots of personality – you should hear this one sing when the children bring breadcrumbs. My tiny green friend on my walking stick, he's a mejuro, a Japanese white eye, so-called because of the ring of white around the eye as you can see. He has a mate but she's very shy, even with me she hardly comes out. Over there is a segurosekirei or wagtail, he's the tiny one in black and white amongst the pigeons …"
It was a welcome distraction. Genuinely interested Subaru listened, enchanted by the old man's obvious love for the subject and his gentle manner which not only encouraged questions but welcomed them. Under the old man's guidance the park was shown to be a world in its own with patches of territory, food sources and more, a world that was one of dozens scattered around Tokyo where as Subaru learned, one could find a surprising number of rare birds. The whole conversation made Subaru remember his old childhood dream, the zookeeper one he had long let go of, and after a while he found himself mentioning this to the old man. "But that's what I did," the old man replied. "From the age of eighteen all the way to retirement I was in charge of all the birds at Ueno Zoo. It's not difficult work, but you do need a kindness and affinity for animals which you certainly have. If being a zookeeper is what you really want to do I can give you some pointers."
"Thank you, but it won't be necessary." Any regret was long lost but still Subaru was wistful. "I'm already working and it's not something I can give up."
"Ah. Family?" Subaru nodded as the little sparrow moved to nest in his gloved hands. The old man was sympathetic. "I commend anyone who does their family proud, but it is a shame so many dreams have to be given up to do so. Still, it doesn't mean you can never do something with animals if that's what you like. Have you thought about volunteering at a shelter? They're always in need of help, though given what happens to most shelter animals it's not for the soft-hearted which you look to be."
A grey cat, innards spilling out, weakly nuzzling into his hand as a syringe gave a merciful end - a dead woman still warm as he closed her eyes— "I'm not so sure about that," said Subaru quietly. The bird in his hands was preening its feathers; even through the gloves he could feel its fluttering heartbeat.
"Oh, I think you are. Hearts of stone don't apologise to birds, nor do they sit around with retirees they've just met to chat for hours."
"I-I'm sorry, if I'm disturbing you I can—"
"Don't be silly! You're more than welcome and it's not often I get such willing company especially one so young. What's your name?"
"Subaru." He bowed.
The old man inclined his head. "And I am Mastumoto. We've met properly now, and I am happy for your company."
Subaru smiled. "Me too." The sparrow in his hands pecked insistently at his fingers and chagrined, Subaru let it fly. "Do you come here everyday?"
"Unless it's raining, yes. I was so happy to find this park when I moved to the area last year. Since then I've gotten to know all the birds and they've come to expect me every day about one o'clock. What about you, do you live around here?"
"No, I'm just here for work. It's finished now," added Subaru hastily, before any questions could be asked, "so I don't have to worry about it anymore." Or think about it.
"Are you sure? You were looking rather worried when you walked by earlier."
"I was … just lost in my thoughts, that's all."
"Must be some heavy thoughts. You're what, eighteen, nineteen? When I was your age the heaviest thoughts I had were about how to ask the girl I liked out to dinner." Matsumoto chuckled, remembering. "Most terrifying thing I ever did since I wasn't good with people, and romance, well, there aren't many things scarier than that. Lucky for me Kanae accepted. Do you have a girl you like, is that what's weighing you down?"
It was impossible not to tense. "… No." A kiss at the train station, hands touching at a restaurant table, you're ashamed of me— "I mean, yes I have someone but—" The words stopped.
"You don't know what she thinks of you?" asked Matsumoto gently.
He looked away. "Something like that." It was hateful to be evasive like this but after Saturday evening better to be safe than sorry. Not that he should assume the welcoming Matsumoto to be anything like that arrogant young man … "We – haven't been together long."
Matsumoto sat quietly for a moment. The flock of birds around them had diminished, many having flown to roost as the sun sank. "When my wife and I first started dating," he said finally, "everyone wondered how long it would last. Kanae was warm, beautiful, and could make anyone feel special just by being with them, whereas I was an awkward young man more comfortable with animals than people. And you know what? Everyone was right to question. I was insecure every time she spoke to another man, she would get upset that I smiled more easily with birds than her, and neither of us were good talkers. We loved each other, yes, but we didn't know each other, not the way you need to if you want to spend a life together. The only way you do that is with time, with patience and communication. Especially communication. Not just using words, though you do need those and we had to learn to use them properly, but without, how to read each other, to know when to push and leave alone … we worked at it. Worked and worked. Seven years and a baby girl later we were still working - I'd tease Kanae that she broke hearts every time she told a man she was married, while Kanae would tell her friends that I was a magician who spoke to birds. By then we were working for the joy of it." A small, wistful chuckle. "Most fun I ever had."
It was the kind of advice Hokuto could have doled out, only far more real. "You must love your wife very much," said Subaru softly.
"Yes. Always have and always will. And for that love I'll keep my promise to make our daughter happy." Briefly Matsumoto's face seemed shadowed, but there was no sign of it when he turned to Subaru, only an encouraging smile. "Don't worry if things feel unsure right now, if you've only just begun there's so much you have to learn about each other. Take your time, enjoy it as the greatest adventure in your life. What's important is that you be open with your feelings and talk to each other especially when there are problems – don't let communication become a problem itself. All right?"
The warmth in Subaru's cheeks had spread to his heart, and he shyly smiled. Then a cold wind blew past. Startled Subaru looked around to realise just how dark it had gotten. "I-I'm sorry, you've been helping cheer me up for so long, I didn't notice the time!"
"Oh pish posh, it's been a pleasure!"
The playground clock was coming up to six o'clock. To get to Roppongi from here would take at least forty minutes presuming he was lucky with the trains, and he would still have to find the restaurant … "I have to go," said Subaru, quickly getting to his feet. "Please forgive my rudeness for rushing away, but I really enjoyed our conversation and apologise for making your family worry about you—"
"There's nothing to apologise for." With some effort Matsumoto stood - instinctively Subaru reached out and helped. "Nobody's worried about me."
"You live by yourself?" asked Subaru, steadying Matsumoto until he had a firm grip on his walking stick.
"My wife died thirty years ago, so now I'm living with my daughter. She has a husband and two small children, all of them should be home eating by now."
There was something about the way he said that which made Subaru's chest twist. "I-I'm sorry, but if you're not back for dinner even though it's gotten dark, shouldn't your daughter …?"
Matsumoto was still smiling. "Unfortunately I'm not considered family any more. I'm merely a burden."
Subaru stared at him. Kept staring as having said farewells, Matsumoto shuffled off through the dark towards the townhouses with their deceptively warm windows. Once again, there were screams echoing in Subaru's head.
Oh…
* * *
It was after seven when he reached the restaurant. Not that it seemed to matter.
"Subaru-kun." The smile Seishirou bestowed as Subaru ran up was effortless. "So good to see you."
Subaru bent over, hands on knees and chest heaving for air. "I-I'm sorry, I got caught up after the job and the next train didn't come until quarter past six—"
Long fingers reached out, stopping speech and tilting back his face. The breath Subaru had been trying to catch rushed from his lungs. "Stop looking so worried," said Seishirou as he drew back, "you're here now, and that's all that matters. Shall we get dinner?"
It had been a brief kiss, one that left him light-headed from lack of air, but it still made Subaru tense because they were on a busy street. As he caught his breath he glanced around, cheeks red, and flushed further when he saw some passerbys give him sideways looks. Not that Seishirou paid them any attention as he walked not into the elegant restaurant but down the street— "Huh? I thought you booked a table…?"
"We lost the booking twenty minutes ago." Seishirou kept walking, not bothering to turn. "Let's see what else is around, shall we?"
Subaru watched him go. There was an apology on his tongue, but it was bogged down in the knowledge that whatever he said Seishirou would dismiss it saying everything was all right … he hurried to catch up, soon falling into step at Seishirou's side. "Any suggestions as to what to eat?" Seishirou asked.
"Um …" Subaru looked around; being Roppongi there was no dearth of choices, or people for that matter, all mixing together in a hubbub of chatter and light. With a pang he wondered how Matsumoto's dinner was going. "I'm not very hungry so I'm okay with anything, really."
He sensed Seishirou glance at him. "My choice again, hm? In that case … this way."
Without pausing Seishirou turned a corner, his brisk pace easily pushing through the evening crowds. Subaru followed him mechanically, barely aware of his surroundings as his thoughts fell back into the circles they had been doing on the train: the splash of blood on the yellow bananas, the wall of shock-blanked faces, him kneeling in the road holding the dying man. The memory of that afternoon had long been overwhelmed by personal horrors but meeting Matsumoto again like this—
A hand grabbed the back of his collar and yanked. Subaru blinked as he stumbled backwards the side of a bus blurring past his face so close it pulled his hair in its wake. "Careful!" said Seishirou sharply. "Didn't you see the light was red?"
Subaru swallowed as he realised what had happened. What was going to happen. "I-I'm sorry," he stammered.
Seishirou seemed to study him. "Stay close to me," he said at last as the lights changed. "Come on, we're nearly there."
He pushed Subaru to cross the road, one hand hovering at the small of Subaru's back to ward off any more potential accidents. On the other side was a row of restaurants and Seishirou guided Subaru to the middle of these, a large well-lit bistro with a blonde woman standing just inside. She greeted them in accented Japanese and after a short discussion with Seishirou, led them to the far wall and the line of booths there beneath a series of black and white photos of New York. Removing coats and scarves Subaru and Seishirou slid in on opposite sides of the table. "Can I get you anything to drink?" the waitress asked.
"A glass of red wine matched to your steak which I'll have medium rare, please. He'll have an iced tea with your fish of the day." The waitress bowed and left. Subaru shifted in his seat oddly grateful that Seishirou had done all the ordering. Again, Seishirou seemed to study him. "You know, I had a call from Hokuto-chan yesterday," he said casually.
Subaru looked up from his twisting hands. "You spoke to her?"
"To be accurate, she called me while we were out last night and I found her phone message when I got home. She sounded well, she said she was just calling to say hi and check on us with the usual reminder for me to look after you."
"…Oh." Subaru tried to remember – he had called Hokuto last night, right? Or had she had to call him? Either way they had spoken briefly; Hokkaido was lovely, skiing was fun, don't work too hard and behave yourself with Sei-chan. He should to call her tonight, and his grandmother for that matter to tell her how the job had gone. Though he had met Matsumoto afterwards, so he shouldn't have to tell Lady Sumeragi about that—
A theatrical sigh came across the table. "You need to stop doing this, you know."
"Eh?"
"Withdrawing. It's obvious there's something on your mind, however if you're not going to talk about it then at least talk about something else instead of sitting there leaving me with my own company. Or am I here just to pay for your dinner?"
Subaru's face burned. "It's not, I didn't mean – I mean I just—" He forced himself to stop – don't let communication become a problem – taking several breaths. "I'm sorry."
Drinks appeared on their table along with a hand that soon withdrew. Seishirou took his glass and sipped his wine looking at Subaru expectantly. Subaru unconsciously wet his lips. "I … met a man today," he began slowly.
"At the Setagaya job?" asked Seishirou.
"Afterwards. The job was fine. Thank you, by the way, for the suggestion with the floor." Seishirou gave a brief smile. "I went to the nearby park afterwards, which was where I met him. He's an old man, he used to be a zookeeper taking care of the birds at Ueno. His wife died thirty years ago leaving him with a daughter who's now married with children of her own. She … doesn't treat him well, views her father as a burden. It's not that she's a bad person, but money is tight and she takes her stress out on him. He bears it all with a smile. He promised his wife that he would make their daughter happy. He—" Gloved hands clenched around his glass of iced tea. "He'll be killed in two days."
Amber eyes glinted across the table. "You know this for sure?"
"It happened last time."
"How?"
"A car accident. I was going to meet him in the park for lunch and arrived only to hold him in my arms as he died. I told his daughter at home, she collapsed screaming …"
He trailed off uneasily. Seishirou was watching him with an almost meditative expression that barely changed as the waitress returned expertly balancing two plates which she set before them before leaving. "So what are you going to do?" asked Seishirou, slicing into his steak.
And there it was, the question Subaru had been wrestling with all evening. "I don't know," he confessed, beginning on his own meal. "Of course I don't want him to die, but then I remember all those other people like the girls on the phone, the woman trying to summon an inugami for her murdered daughter, I tried to fix things for them too and it just turned out the same or worse. Yet knowing that Matsumoto is going to be killed I can't just sit back and let it happen, not when I could stop it, and I can, I know the place and time—"
"You'll swoop in to save him."
"One moment's delay, a split second intervention, that's all it'll take just like earlier when you pulled me back from the road—"
"And it'll make you feel good, hm?" Seishirou chuckled mockingly over his plate. "Sumeragi Subaru, saving the living as well as the dead. Shall I get you a cape for the occasion?"
Subaru stared. "You don't think I should save him."
"No I don't."
"But it's the right thing to do! Preventing a violent death—" Abruptly he remembered who he was talking to. Turned back to his plate stabbing his food. "I don't expect you to understand. You're the Sakurazukamori, of course you don't care."
Seishirou smirked. "You're so cute when you use my title as an insult. Though I suppose 'veterinarian' doesn't roll off the tongue quite so well."
Subaru couldn't help giving a derisive snort as he cut his fish. "You're not really a vet."
"Is that what you think? The university degrees on my clinic wall are real, you know, as are my customers and paid staff."
"Only because you needed a cover for the—" Just in time Subaru remembered his promise. "—for meeting me."
"If a cover was all I needed I could have set up something far less complicated and expensive," replied Seishirou, obviously amused. "Don't flatter yourself Subaru-kun; for your information I became a vet not because I needed anything but because I wanted to, and it was something I had decided even before I met you under the Sakura."
Subaru frowned. "Why?"
Seishirou finished his mouthful with a sip of wine. "Why did you move to Tokyo?" he asked.
The counter made Subaru frown further, but he went along with it. He had to think a bit, though, it seemed a lifetime since he had started calling Tokyo home. Was a lifetime, in fact. "It was Hokuto-chan's idea," he said, dimly remembering. "Ever since middle school she was determined to go to high school in Tokyo. We had an offer from CLAMP Campus already which Obaa-chan could hardly say no to, though the fact that we kept getting job requests from Tokyo probably helped her decision despite her misgivings over how young we were. Hokuto-chan was ecstatic of course."
"In other words the decision was made for you and you did as you were told. What about now, why do you stay in Tokyo?"
A sea of glittering lights beneath his and Seishirou's feet, the whole Tower to themselves. Hokuto's laughter, her face lit up as she showed off a new outfit or related her latest urban adventure. A city that never slept, with aspiring actresses, childhood friends, grieving mothers, troubled students, and old men who talked to birds. A city protected by romantics and disbelievers, parents and sex workers, the innocent and the heartbroken. A city that had given Subaru both his worst memories and his best. What was it Seishirou had said all those years ago? I love this Tokyo … where else do so many people dance towards their own destruction— "I had a life here," said Subaru slowly. "I have a life here. My own life."
"And there's your answer. We're unique, you and I, set apart from normal people by power and heritage, but that matters less here in Tokyo where twelve million people can live regardless of who or what they are. More importantly, each of those twelve million people has the chance forge their own path without reference to anyone else. Onmyouji we may be it's not our place to interfere with that."
"Don't you interfere with people's lives when you kill them?" Subaru challenged.
Seishirou gave an impatient sigh. "When I kill someone it's because of something. Because I've been asked to. Because they blocked me when they crossed my path. Because their deaths are at the end of the day, necessary. I don't go out of my way to find victims; if someone dies at my hand, it's destiny as a consequence of their own actions."
Destiny. The word made Subaru's throat constrict. "And what if because he's met me it is now Matsumoto's destiny to live?"
"But it isn't. You've said already, that last time we went through this life this man died. The only reason why you're thinking of saving him now is because you – and only you – know what is to come. Without that knowledge, chances are everything will turn out as they did before."
"I can't accept that—"
A movement to his side interrupted. "How's everything?" asked the blonde waitress, leaning down. "Can I get you anything else?"
Seishirou beamed – since Hokuto wasn't around he didn't bother to wear his glasses out, yet even without them his genial persona was flawless. "We're fine and the steak is fantastic, thank you. Give my compliments to the chef. Where are you from, by the way?"
"I'm from Australia. Land of sun and kangaroos and murderous wildlife." The waitress winked at him.
"So far away! Your Japanese is excellent – what brings you to Tokyo?"
"Well, I started learning Japanese in high school and since then I've always dreamed of living in Tokyo so last year I got myself a work visa to come on over. Love this city, the buzz, the way you can walk past skyscrapers and turn a corner to find a tiny shrine, the people – I mean, yeah, you get jerks like drunk salarymen who want to kiss my hair but then you meet the artists, the chatty ramen stall holders, the fashion and music tribes …" She chuckled. "Adventure of a lifetime here."
"Tokyo is certainly a place to spread your wings." Seishirou's warm mask never changed; across the table, Subaru was willing the waitress gone. "I hope it's been treating you well tonight?"
"Oh, I stay on my toes. Had a big party of university students in earlier making me run around, and just then I got snapped at by a snooty lady because I was late serving her husband's drink. I could have told her that her husband was here last week with another woman but hey, none of my business, right?" The waitress gave a wry laugh that Subaru studiously ignored. "Anyway, should get back to it - give me a wave if you need anything!"
With that she hurried another table. Seishirou coolly watched her go for a moment before returning his gaze to Subaru. "Twelve million people," he said softly. "Twelve million people each living their own lives, making their own choices, and bearing their own consequences. Your old man is but one of them, as are you. You'd do well to think about which is more important."
Subaru felt his jaw set. Deliberately resumed his meal, forcing himself to eat despite his lack of appetite because he didn't trust himself to reply. Perhaps satisfied that his point was made Seishirou let the conversation go, finishing his meal and enjoying the last of his wine while waiting for Subaru. Eventually Subaru gave up – the cream sauce was too rich for his taste – and pushed his plate away. "Shall we go?" asked Seishirou.
"Just a minute." Without waiting for an answer Subaru stood and headed for the bathroom, a sterile affair of harsh white that overwhelmed the artistic black and white photographs on the walls. The stalls were empty, thankfully, and hopefully would stay that way for a while. Alone for this moment Subaru disabled the spell on his gloves with a touch, removed them and began to wash his hands. They were trembling.
The water was cold. Squeezing eyes closed Subaru leaned down to splash his face, forcing himself to rein in his frustration, his anger, his underlying panic at time running out. Eventually he felt his breathing deepen and calm, some tension leaving his shoulders and he straightened to look at himself in the mirror. The face that looked back was pale but composed, and taking a paper towel Subaru dried his face and hands making himself presentable before pulling on his gloves again. There was the usual tingle as Lady Sumeragi's spell reasserted itself, and then he was ready. Subaru opened the door and went back to his table passing the oblivious waitress on the way. Seishirou glanced up with one eyebrow raised. "Ready?"
"Shouldn't we get the bill?"
"I've already paid it." Seishirou stood carrying both his coat and Subaru's jacket along with their scarves. "After you."
He held out a hand for Subaru to walk in front of him. Habit kicked in for Subaru to obey, but not before a split second of hesitation, even resentment, at Seishirou's consideration. They made their way through the bistro to exit onto the cold street – for a moment Subaru thought Seishirou was going to go so far as to help him into his jacket, but thankfully the man simply handed his things to him. "Any suggestions of where to go from here?" asked Seishirou as he pulled on his coat.
Stiffly Subaru put on his scarf and jacket, trying to readjust to such simple conversation after the heated discussion just minutes before. "I think I'm going to go home, actually."
To this Seishirou simply nodded, and together they began to walk side by side. Despite the lateness of the dinner hour there was still many people out looking for somewhere to eat, and every so often the two of them would have to separate to allow some hurrying person rush between them. "What are your plans for tomorrow?" asked Seishirou after a while.
"Um …" They crossed the road with the crowd. "I'm to visit the Shinjuku Ward office in the morning for a purification but other than that, nothing so I guess I'll catch up on some chores."
"So you'll have no problem meeting me for our usual dinner at six thirty?"
"No…"
"Come meet me at the clinic then, I have a late appointment for someone who can only bring her cat in after five so it'll be at least six before I finish. It would be helpful if on your way you could swing by the drycleaners to fetch something for me, though."
"What is it?"
"A suit. No, it's not being cleaned for bloodstains; as Hokuto-chan would tell you quality clothes need proper care."
"I wasn't going to say anything," protested Subaru, stung.
"But the thought crossed your mind," Seishirou replied, not accusing just stating a simple – and accurate – observation. "Anyway, it's the drycleaners on the corner near the clinic, I have an account there so all you have to do is pick it up."
"… Fine." They began to descend the stairs that led into the busy Roppongi station, and Subaru hurried to the ticket machines before Seishirou could buy that too or he himself said something he would regret. Coins shot into the machine with sharp force; he was angry, Subaru realised, angry at Seishirou for what he had said tonight but also angry at himself for expecting Seishirou to be otherwise—
A shadow fell over the machine's buttons as Seishirou stepped up behind him. Subaru froze as hands were placed on his waist, the sound of passing people suddenly very loud. "Can I take you home?" Seishirou whispered into his ear.
He was close enough to warm, for Subaru to feel breathing against his back. Seishirou's hands rested over the top of his jeans fingers gently pressing through cloth subtler than a kiss but far more electrifying, the implications clear and frightening too in how they engulfed Subaru's anger and apprehension turning them to … I can't, Subaru told himself, heart racing, I can't lose my head, can't lose myself or forget what's at stake. I can't let him sweep me away.
But oh how I want him to …
He didn't move or speak. Couldn't. Eventually Seishirou let go and stepped back. "No again, hm?" he said easily. "Ah well. Get home safely."
"W-wait!" With a beep the machine spat out his ticket – snatching it up Subaru turned to see Seishirou heading towards the stairs and ran after him. "Where are you going?"
"I have some things to look into." Seishirou smiled over his shoulder as he said this but didn't stop walking. "It's for my actual job so I wouldn't ask. I'll see you tomorrow night at six thirty, Subaru-kun."
He reached the stairs and went up, a black shadow returning to the night air above. Subaru watched him disappear feeling a mixture of uneasy relief, disappointment, and something else. Hollowness. Until that moment, he hadn't realised how accustomed he was to being greeted and farewelled by Seishirou with a kiss.
Speakers overhead announced the arrival of his train. Subaru could miss it, go after Seishirou, yet even as he thought that something inside him faltered. Swallowing hard Subaru fled through the ticket gate down to the platform - he barely made the train in time but if anyone thought anything of the pale young man who threw himself through the doors to sit down eyes squeezed painfully shut, they didn't show it. Didn't even look at him, in fact.
Just another nameless face in Tokyo.
[cont'd]